Women With Two First Names.

It’s usually said, “Don’t trust a ‘man’ with two first names” (which just applies when his last name sounds like a first name), but this warning is far more applicable to determining a woman’s bitchery and/or vexatious qualities. With the two names in one phenomenon seeing more popularity than ever thanks to the hulked out self-importance of Generation Z–ranging from Lily Rose to Millie Bobby–all these mothers responsible for moniker lending are doing is giving license to a mutant generation of cunts.

Perhaps worst of all is when a woman who has just one name suddenly decides to incorporate her middle name as a means to be in possession of a primmer (but in her mind “more sophisticated”) title. But all this really serves to iterate is that she’s, well, a self-centered little asshole. The gall of expecting people–especially people as lazy and desirous of getting to the point as the current dominating population–to spit out two names when the rest of us in this life are relegated to one (even Madonna) is not only incongruous but utterly megalomaniacal. So next time you’re in the womb and you hear your daft breeder of a mom talking about what an “adorable” name like Anna Grace would be, kick her as a reminder that 1) you don’t live in the South and 2) you don’t want to be doomed to be a wispy little white girl who claims never to have farted.

Author: Genna Rivieccio

Genna Rivieccio is a writer and that's about it.

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