Women (Not French) Who Pronounce Croissant Like Cwahsahnt.

There is no shortage of gross “female” behavior when it comes to attempts at exhibiting pretension and superiority. Particularly in the neighborhoods of New York that encourage the sort of faux learnedness that comes with having never actually traveled anywhere, because why would you? You live in New York! Everything you could possibly need to comprehend about other cultures is right here. And, what’s more, so long as you pronounce “foreign” words with the correct flourish, you’re sure to prove your international cachet to the cashier that wants to murder you anyway due to the blatant class divide between y’all.

Isn’t it enough that you’re working below your full potential by working at all anyway? Shouldn’t you get to showcase your intelligence and knowledgeability in some way to the world outside of dinner parties and discussions about your love of travel over dim sum when you slum it in Chinatown? No, one supposes, it is not. It is just too essential for you to barf the word croissant as cwahsahnt to prove, I don’t know, that you don’t queaf (you’re also too elegant to spell it like queef) during sex or something because you’re so goddamn erudite. But oh chouchou, it has to be said that the more you try to parade your cultivated aura, the more of a pompous little dodo bird you come across as. But don’t worry, surely your wispy pronunciations will attract the corresponding blowhard so that you might combine forces to birth a mutant even more faux intellectual than the two of you combined. And then you can all eat baby cwahsahnts (you must maintain your figure if you’re going to keep Blowhard from cheating) before nine a.m. together around the breakfast table because waking up past noon would just be much too French.

 

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Author: Genna Rivieccio

Genna Rivieccio is a Taurus. She enjoys pop culture, specifically all things 80s (it must have to do with the decadence). She is a writer most likely because she is a masochist and can't express herself verbally most of the time anyway due to a certain social malaise.

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